Last sacrifice: The Hotel Room  Dimitri POV
by RoseKristenRose
Summary: Last Sacrifice:Dimitri POV - In the hotel room - Please Review


I pulled the car to a stop. We were parked just out the front of a hotel. It was 10 times nicer than the last one we stayed at, but that didn't matter, she needed to rest, proper rest. I looked in the back seat just as she snapped out of what Im sure was Lissa's head. Shed been going there a lot lately, she claimed it was just to check on her but I suspected it was to escape her life, to be someone else for a few hours everyday. I couldn't blame her id do the same thing if I could.

"What's going on?" she said, clearly annoyed we had stoped, Im sure she wanted to keep on going until we got to court but like I said she needed a break before she was going to face all of her accusers.

"We're stopping," I said "You need to rest" her face instantly became annoyed "No, I Don't. We need to keep going to court. We need to get Jill there in time for the elections."

just what I thought she would say, she was acting tuff, her guilt over what happened with Victor was making her lash out. I gave her a don't lie to me look. "You were just with Lissa. Are the elections actually happening yet? that threw her of, "No" she admitted reluctantly.

"Then your getting some rest." her face was livid "Im Fine" she shouted at me, like a child throwing a tantrum. She looked around like suddenly she realised we weren't alone.

It happened so much to us, wether we were fighting or talking it all seemed to take place in our own little world. But this time I didn't care what she said and I simply got out of the car and the others followed, Rose followed last offcourse.

We went to the lobby of the hotel, to check in, Rose waited out the front. Not talking to me I guessed, but I new she would later I had to make her see she had done nothing wrong. Checking in was proving a bit of a problem because we didn't have credit cards only cash. Lucky to have Sonya with us, she compelled the desk clerk into thinking it was there policy, and within 5 minuets we had booked two adjoining rooms.

Once we were in I relaxed slightly, no one would look for us here, and we had Jill and Sonya safe. Part of me wondered what it would be like for Sonya and Michael once they seen each other again. Would she act how I had? Or would they accept each other and love each other like no time was lost. Although part of me new it was different for them, Sonya hadn't done what I had.

All this time I was looking at rose thinking these things, she looked angry and tired, refusing to meet my gaze. Sonya moved towards her to talk to her, but I stoped her by grabbing her arm, "Let me talk to her alone" I murmured to Sonya. She gave me a look that said she was about to disagree, but I said a touch more forcefully "I Can handle it" she watched me again and nodded "Be careful" she whispered "She's fragile" Rose made an annoyed huffing sound from behind us, "You guys, Im right here" She exclaimed.

Sonya linked arms with an uncomfortable looking Jill, "Come on" she said brightly "Lets order room service", as she guided her into one of the rooms. I opened another door to the right and looked at rose expectantly, with a sigh she walked in and sat on the bed. It was a nice room, way better than the last one, with a huge bed.

Her sitting on that bed made my heart squeeze in a strange way. But I Didn't get to question it to much because she spoke. "can we order room service?

I ignored her quip and grabbed a chair and sat down a few feet away. "We need to talk about what happened with victor" I said getting strait to the point. "There's nothing to talk about" she said bleakly. She looked away and her expression changed from closed of and aggressive to devastating guilt.

I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and try to heal her wounds, but that was not my place anymore. A Friend listened, I reminded myself.

"I Really am the murderer everyone says I am. It doesn't matter that it was Victor, I Killed him in cold blood" Shock hit my face if she thought that was cold blood what did she think of me and my actions. No matter what she said she could never forgive me. She was fooling herself, I thought "That was hardly cold blood" I Said trying to hold her eye contact.

"The Hell it wasn't" She yelled, Teats springing to her eyes. She hardly ever cried and I new the guilt she felt and it made me want to reach for her again, to stop the lies about our love and just be with her. "The plan was to subdue him and Robert so we could free Jill. Subdue. Victor wasn't a threat to me. He was an old man, for god's sake." she was yelling but I new her anger wasn't at me, it was at herself for loosing control, and if she needed to yell I would let her.

"He seemed like a threat" I said, trying to stay calm. Witch usually made her more hysterical. "He was using his magic" she shook her head and buried her face in her hands. Her voice was muffled by her hands and her tears "It wasn't going to kill me. He probably couldn't have even kept it up much longer. I Could have waited it out or escaped. Hell I did escape! But instead of capturing him, I Slammed him against a Concrete wall! He was no match for me." her voice was becoming stronger and she looked up at me and continued "An old man. I killed an old man. Yeah maybe he was a scheming, corrupt old man, but I didn't want him dead. I Wanted him locked up again. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life in prison, living with his crimes. Living, Dimitri."

She looked at me with such sadness, she was making her self sick, shaking and tears streaming down her face. And all I did was sit there acting calm, but inside I was raging, how could someone as good as her feel so much guilt, it wasn't her fault it was spirit's darkness.

She had quietened down and spoke in almost a whisper "There was no honour in what I did to him." I felt it was time to remind her of the obvious, "Sonya said it wasn't your fault" I tried to sound gentle, and witch didn't seem to be helping my understanding of her situation was making her feel worse but what could I do. "She said it was a backlash of spirit" I said voice firmer.

"It was" she said and then looked to the side thinking Im sure about this afternoon's events, "I never really understood what lissa experienced in her worst moments until then. I just looked at Victor… and I saw everything evil in the world-an evil I had to stop. He was bad, but he didn't deserve that, He never had a chance." I was beginning to become annoyed she wasn't seeing reason,

"You aren't listening, rose. It wasn't your fault. Spirit's a powerful magic we barely understand. And its dark edge…well we know its capable of terrible things. Things that cant be controlled."

I was loosing her, she wouldn't listen to me and I didn't no what to say, I felt like shaking her. She looked up at me, her beautiful face clear of all tears but her eyes still a little red. "I should have been stronger than it" she said quietly holding my gaze,

I Should have been stronger than it" She repeated more loudly, "I Was Weak." I took me a long time to answer, all of what she was saying replaying in my head, finally when Im sure she thought I would say nothing, I said "You aren't invincible, no one expects you to be." "I do. What I did …" she swallowed "what I did was unforgivable"

My eyes widened in shock and I moved closer to her unconsciously " That….that's crazy, rose. You cant punish yourself for something you had no power over."

"Yeah?" she began voice heavy with sarcasm, "Then why are you still-" she cut herself of, I didn't no what she was going to say but I had a good idea, "When?" she asked abruptly. "When did it change? When did you realise you could keep living-even after the guilt?" with anyone else this conversation would be off-limits but with rose, well there was little we couldn't discuss openly. "Im not sure." our eyes we locked together, but my eyes weren't entirely focused on her, I was reliving moments from the last few days with her,

"In bits really. When lissa and Abe first came to me about breaking you out, I was ready to do it because she asked me to. Then, the more I thought about it I realised it was personal too. I Couldn't stand the thought of you locked in a cell, being cut off from the world. It wasn't right. No one should live like that, and it occurred to me that I was doing the same-by choice. I Was cutting myself off from the world with guilt and self punishment. I had a second change to live, and I was throwing it away". I didn't want to admit any of my weaknesses to her, but she had to here them.

"You herd me talk about this before, about my goal to appreciate life's little details. And the more we continued on our journey, the more I remembered who I was, Not just a fighter. Fighting is easy. Its why we fight that matters, and in the ally that night with Donovan" I shuddered remembering his blood soaked, lifeless body. "That moment I could have crossed over into someone who fights just to senselessly kill- but you pulled me back, rose. That was the turning point. You saved me… just as lissa saved me with the stake. I knew then that in order to leave the strigoi part of me behind. I had to embrace what they reject: beauty, love… Honour"

I stoped talking and let my words sink in with her. At first she looked relived, I new my pain caused her pain, but then her face shifted again and she practically spat the words at me "Then you should understand, you just said it: honour. It matters. We both know it dose. I've lost mine. I lost it out there in the parking lot when I killed an innocent."

She was taking all of this out on herself, but I couldn't help but take what she was saying personally, if she thought one was bad, how did she feel about me, really? "And I've killed hundreds," I said flatly, trying not to show my emotions, "People much more innocent then victor Dashkov." she became angry and upset, defending me and my actions, as always. "Its not the same! You couldn't help it" tears forming in her eyes again, tears for me. My guilt was about to take over. "Why are we repeating the same things over and over?" she asked, seeming defeated. "Because they aren't sinking in. You couldn't help it either" My patience was reaching an end, I could tell my face was beginning to show my emotions more clearly, witch was scary around rose. "Feel guilty, Mourn this. But move on. Don't let it destroy you. Forgive yourself" I pleaded with her.

We were both silent for an instant staring into each others eyes, they bored into mine and I wondered what she was thinking.

She shot up so fast, and jumped into my face grabbing both sides of the chair I was in. I was shocked at her expression, she looked like she wanted to punch me, slyly I thought to myself it wouldn't be the first time. "Forgive myself" she spat out angrily "That's what you want? You of all people?"

I didn't no what to say to that, what did she expect me to, after a few seconds I managed a nod.

"Then tell me this. You say you moved past the guilt, decided to revel in life and all that. I get it. But have you, in your heart, really forgiven yourself? I told you a long time ago that I forgave you for everything in Siberia, but what about you? Have you done it?"

She was still in my face, still talking in a angry whisper. Did I forgive myself? I was trying but it wasn't as simple as wishing for it. "I Just Said-" She cut me of, "No its not the same. Your telling me to forgive myself and move on. But you wont do it yourself. You're a hypocrite, comrade. Were either both guilty or both innocent. Pick."

I did not like the fact that she was standing over me and stood up forcing her to take a few steps back. "Its not that simple" I said. She crossed her arms over her chest refusing to be intimidated by the change in height. "It is that simple. Were the same! Even Sonya says we are. We've always been the same, and were both acting the same stupid way now. We hold ourselves up to a higher standard than everyone else." I Frowned Sonya? What did she have to do with this?

Her words were true though I did expect more from myself than anyone else, and she held herself in the same way. So when we fail we have that much further to fall. "I-Sonya? What dose she have to do with any of this?" she looked like she regretted speaking of Sonya, I went to press her on the matter but she spoke first "She Said our auras match. She said we light up around each other. She said it means you still love me and that were in sync, and…" she sighed and turned away from me. Wondering across the room. Crap Sonya had said the same thing to me about rose, I thought she agreed It was best not to say anything about our auras, I new mine could probably blind someone when I was near rose, but to no hers was identical, did strange things to the rhythm of my heart.

"I don't know. I shouldn't have mentioned it. We shouldn't buy into this aura stuff when it comes from magic users who are already half-insane." She reached the window and leaned her forehead against it. I was just standing there looking at her like an idiot, all I wanted to do was to kiss her and tell her I love her. That what I said about my love for her was a lie. But I didn't I just watched her beautiful body silhouetted by the City lights. "If I let this stop me" she murmured quietly, "If I do nothing… then that's the greater evil. Ill do more good by surviving. By continuing to fight and protect others."

Did she really just say that, I wondered idly if she was just trying to end our conversation so that she could be left alone. "What are you saying?" I asked

"Im saying … I forgive myself. That doesn't make everything perfect, but it's a start." I watched as her fingers traced a crack in the glass's surface.

"Who knows? Maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of the darkness Sonya says is in my aura. Sceptic that I am, I have to give her some points. She was right that I was at a breaking point, that all I needed was a spark"

A spark, I thought. Mine and roses relationship was a blazing fire just needing one spark to ignite, It had always been that way, the odds always stacked against us, but my love for her grew impossibly everyday I spent with her. I needed to tell her, she couldn't think that she was not the woman I dreamt about. That In my darkest moments she is always the light that I hold on to. The one that will get me through anything. "She was right about something else too" I said after a long moment. My voice sounded strange to me, it must have to her to because she abruptly spun around and stared at me. "What's that?' she asked. I took a deep breath, "That I do still love you"

The look on her face was shock, like she truly didn't think what she heard was true. I wanted to go to her but I left the space between us there, it was hard for me to speak coherently when she was close to me. "Since….since when?" she finally managed. "Since forever"

I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and really it was, at least it was to me. " I denied it when I was restored. I had no room for anything in my heart except guilt. I especially felt guilty about you, what id done, and I pushed you away.

I put up a wall to keep you safe. It worked for a while-until my heart finally started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. It had never left; it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And again…that alley was the turning point. I looked at you…saw your goodness, your hope ,and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful. So, so beautiful." she had tears in her eyes, those eyes I loved so much, I didn't no what she would say, she had tried with me, tried to make me see that she still loved me, but I was to late, she was with Adrian, and she loved him.

But she had to no that I still love her and I always would. "So it wasn't my hair," she said quietly, making a joke, what else should I have expected. "No" I said gently "Your hair was beautiful too. All of you. You were amazing when we first met, and somehow, inexplicably, you've come even farther. you've always been pure, raw energy, and now you control it. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and Im glad to have had that love for you in my life." I all of a sudden became so sad it was hard to speak. "I regret losing it, I would give anything-anything in the world to go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back. To have a life with you. Its to late, offcourse, but I've accepted it." I went to keep on talking but she cut me of again, "Why…why is it too late?"

I grew impossibly sadder and new it would show on my face, my voice was quiet "Because of Adrian. Because you've moved on. No listen." I said when she went to cut me of for the third time "You were right to do that after how I treaded you. And more than anything else, I want you to be happy once we clear your name and get Jill recognised. You said yourself that Adrian makes you happy. You said you love him" I looked to the side to avoid her tear soaked face, it was breaking my heart hurting her again, I was always hurting her I realised. "But…you just said you love me. That you want to be with me."

She stuttered not knowing what to say. "And I told you Im not going to pursue another man's girlfriend. You want to talk honour? There it is in its purest form."

She walked towards me, not good I thought but I couldn't walk away from her, my heart began to race. How could I walk away from her, I loved her with all my heart and soul, she was my everything. The one person who understands and knows all of me, good and bad, how could I ever had treated her the way I did. But she loved Adrian, and he was a good guy, he loved her, and protected her.

But here she was walking towards me. It felt like an hour before she stood before me. She looked into my eyes and I felt my heart race even faster. She put her hand on my chest and at her touch I felt weak. Warmth spread through me, I wanted to feel this feeling of being with her forever, I reached up and locked my hands around her wrists, but didn't push them away, I should have for her sake but I just couldn't, everywhere our skin touched felt like fire.

My face was strained, I was going back and forth like a fucking sea saw. But when she looked into my eyes she seen past that. I felt like she could see my love. That it was so strong that you could reach out and touch it. "You should have told me" she said never breaking eye contact. "You should have told me this a long time ago. I Love You. I never stopped loving you. You have to know that!."

My breathing caught, she still loved me, and I could then see it so clearly in her eyes. "It wouldn't have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved" I said. I tightened my grip oh her hands slightly, ready to push her of. "I Mean it. I wont be that guy rose. I wont be that man who takes someone else's woman. Now, please let go." I was beginning to close of, I needed to or something bad would happen, I didn't want to hurt her anymore. "Don't make this any more difficult" I said voice soft and sad." She ignored my request, but I new if I wanted to get away I could, but I didn't want to get away not this time.

She splayed her fingers, touching more of my chest, for a moment neither of us said anything, I just drank in the feel of her hands on me, it had been so long since I felt like this. When I was strigoi it was different, I wanted her, but like a position, not like a partner.

When we were together in the cabin it was amazing, I never thought id get it back and here she was, making me feel the exact same way I did the first time we had been together." I don't belong to him" she said in a low voice, pushing herself closer to me and tilting her head back I lent down ever so slightly. Unconsciously giving in. My mind was raging worse than ever, I couldn't resist her much longer, I new I had to pull back, she wouldn't, but I couldn't.

"I don't belong to anyone. I make my own choices" "and your with Adrian" I said she smiled slightly, sadly. "but I was meant for you" she said in her seductive voice.

Begging me to just give into what I wanted most. And finally I did, I didn't think I even had a choice. My walls crumbled down, and everything we'd been holding back from each other came rushing out. She leaned in and kissed me, and I didn't hold back, I couldn't.

We kissed so fiercely and passionately that all I could think or feel was Rose, I wrapped my hands around her body holding her tightly to me, I couldn't get enough of her. before long I was lifting her up, and walking to the bed. I fell on top of her and we continued our kissing, it was becoming more heated every second that passed. I ran my hand down her flat stomach and over her hip and down to her thigh witch was mostly bare thanks to her torn dress, everywhere my hand touched left a trail of goosebumps on her soft skin.

She was ripping my shirt of and I felt like there was a red haze of lust burning in my eyes. Id wanted this for so long and I loved her so much, as we brought our bodies together all of my guilt all of the world was non existent. All that I new was her.

Once all of our cloths were of I gazed at her naked willing body, my excitement almost grew to a breaking point. The look in her eyes was filled with love and lust and I wanted her more than anything in the world. There were so many things left I wanted to say, but this was not the right time. I thrust hard and deep into her, connecting our body's in the most intimate way possible. Her moans of pleasure mirrored mine. Her eyes were closed and I watched her in awe as I saw and felt what my body could do to hers. When we both reached our peak it was the most amazing feeling of my life. I kissed her again and again and again never wanting to stop.

She was shaking with pleasure and I rolled of her and tried to catch my breath. I put my hand on her stomach just feeling her. Once her breathing and shaking slowed and I grabbed her and rolled her onto me wanting to feel her naked body on mine. I closed my eyes completely content.

"Im glad you gave in. Im glad your control isn't as strong as mine" she said, still a little breathlessly, this made me laugh. "Roza my self-control is ten times stronger than yours." "oh yeah" she said, a smile in her voice, "That's not the impression I just got" I considered this "Wait until next time" I warned stroking my hand on her stomach "Ill do things that'll make you loose control in seconds."

Thanks for reading guys. I realise I don't own anything Vampire Academy related, All of that brilliance is Richelle Mead's, I just wanted to know what Dimitri was thinking. Let me know if you think it was allright. Sorry if it sucked.


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